Wednesday, 6 November 2013

NOTTINGHAMSHIRE CCC END-OF-SEASON REVIEW, 2013


So, the dust has settled on the cricket season. Subsequently, said dust has been swept away by an army of diligent, dawn light-welcoming Polish polishers (who, frankly, could teach this LeftLion lot a thing or two about hard work), only for a whole new layer of dust to form in the interim, leaving everyone so deep in this metaphor that they don’t know whether they need a new broom to brush away the proverbial cobwebs, some Sneeze-E-Zee™ nasal spray to soothe the effects of an as yet not properly diagnosed dust allergy (which could also be a twisted septum, rhinitis, or miscellaneous wear and tear), or to begin a new life as far away from these words as possible.

Berate ye not our tardiness, as I think the good book probably says somewhere. There’s good reason. In the face of a breakneck modern media world of instant verdicts, banal, disposable quotemongering, and general blah (the three pillars of churnalism), Left Line and Length likes to ruminate, cogitate, formulate, delegate, procrastinate. In your face, Modern World.

Anyway, regardless of what’s happened to the dust, the cricket season is over. The best of the sunlight has effed itself off to the southern hemisphere, no doubt hoping to catch a bit of winter sun, while the Notts squad have doffed their cap to Old Skool refueling habits and had their annual fancy-dress tram-crawl piss-up. They now have seven months to do what’s known in the game as sort their shit out. Nothing less than a treble is acceptable. In fact, the quadruple. The Championship should be wrapped up by late August, allowing Notts to field a reserve team for the last three games while the stars head off to India to win the Champions League.

The last time your columnist deigned to keep you informed as to what was going on at Trent Bridge – and he is painfully aware that this is your primary news source for cricket and thus that you may well not be aware that they had quite a decent day out in that London in late September – they had just been knocked out of the T20 competition. Again. After Somerset in 2011 and Hampshire in 2012, in 2013 it was Essex, with their traveling pissheads, precisely curated barnets, and vajazzled uvver arves back in Chingford, home quarter-final defeats indeed proving like buses: shit and full of hooligans.

The season thereafter can be summarized as follows. First, there’s a massive yawn as Notts’ mid-season, mid-table mediocrity in the Champo leaves them with nothing to play for. Then, there’s a titter as Derbyshire, back in the top-flight for the first time in a decade and yet winless after 10 of 16 games, suddenly put together a run of three wins in four. The titter becomes a trip to the shitter (not so much a gesture as a physical reflex) when it looks as though the team from NG might be Sucked Into A Relegation Dogfight. Notts come through it, though, but it goes to the last game, a travesty given the talent in the squad and something they ought to be a little embarrassed about.  

To give it some context, Notts won a measly two Championship games all season (the least in the top division), both wrapped up by May 18, leaving over four months, twelve games, without a four-day win. Left Line and Length cannot be totally certain as to why, but he’s going to simplify the explanation to a single word. Bowling. With Andre Adams under an injury cloud for most of the season and Ajmal Shahzad a pale imitation of the bowler he was as recently as 2011, Harry Gurney and Luke Fletcher toiled honestly but without enough zing to knock over Div One lineups. If the bowling lacks life, the TB wicket does also. And if the square is too dry as a result of drainage, they don’t have a frontline spinner to exploit it [yes, Indignant of Kimberley, I did see those two jaffas Samit bowled at Lord’s].

How times have changed. Five years ago, Notts had an attack of Sidebottom, Pattinson, Adams and pre-England Graeme Swann, and were often mocked for their supposed batting frailties. Today, the attack is like a man trying to eat a curly-wurly with no teeth. The bowling needs some je ne sais quoi. What that is, I don’t know exactly. Smart money is on Mick Newell dipping into the market for a non-IPL-playing pace bowler – one who’s also unlikely to be commandeered for any of the other T20s mushrooming hither and thither and coinciding with the English ‘summer’. New Zealander Trent Boult would be useful. Or Jackson Bird. Young, hungry and, offering zero with the bat, no T20 reputation as yet. 

What guard you take? 

Anyway, despite the huff and puff of the Championship and the T20 loss to Essex – Essex! – it wasn’t all doom and gloom at Trent Bridge. No, Notts actually made it to a Lord’s final, having gone 24 years without a Big Day Out at HQ, the longest wait in all of county cricket.

Here’s the story of the final. Relive the highs and lows! Revisit the twists and the turns!! Get your limited edition souvenir set of multi-coloured fineliner pens!!! 

Notts: x1·1··· | ·····1 | [1]1···1 | 12···1 | ·1·1·· | ·[4]·14· | ·[4]·2·4 | ·446·1 | 1·1111 | ·w11·· | 112w·· | 2··1x·· | ···1·1 | ··1211 | ··13·· | ·1··2· | x·11··· | w····· | ·424·w | 3··1·4 | 11···2 | 1131·· | ·····4 | 1····1 | ··1·1· | ·13·11 | ·61111 | 21113· | ·1·11· | ··1··1 | 441[4x]221 | ··14·· | ···142 | 1411·1 | 6w··24 | ·wx1414 | ·1[2]11x2 | 124144 | [1]411·w | ·2·41w

Glamorgan: ·11·11 | w··2·· | ···1·· | 4····1 | ·411·1 | 1111·1 | ··4·14 | 11··41 | ·11w·1 | 2·1·1· | ·21111 | 14··11 | 11121· | 114·1· | 1·111· | 2··4·1 | 12·121 | 1·1·11 | 4122·· | 21·1w· | 1··1·1 | 13·w·· | 1·11·· | w··1·· | 11·121 | 1····· | [2]111·· | 1·4·1· | ·1·311 | 1····· | wx2w1·4 | ·11··1 | w2w··w

As you can clearly see, it wasn’t exactly a thriller. 244 plays 157. It was exactly the sort of game you’d expect when a team of current or sometime internationals (with the exceptions of Steve Mullaney and Harry Gurney) square off against players from a county – actually, three counties, Mid Glamorgan, South Glamorgan and West Glamorgan, which is something of an advantage until you consider that Notts have effectively annexed Leicestershire, an Anschluss not quite on a par with Hitler’s incorporation of Austria in the Third Reich, but still… Anyway, much as Yorkshire once forbade themselves from picking anyone not born within the county borders (something the aforementioned Fuhrer might have solved by seeking to expand those county borders), Glamorgan have until recently constitutionally restricted themselves to having at least 70% of their squad bear the following seven names: Evans, Jones, Griffiths, Davies, Morgan, Llewellyn, and Rees (and occasionally combinations thereof). Like a heroin addict with manky veins everywhere, they’re shooting themselves in the foot.

Still, Notts had their own selection quandary. People whose raison d’être appears to be getting their knickers in a twist duly got a touch frothy about Stuart Broad and Graeme Swann, um, swanning in for the final having had no part in the thirteen-game path to Lord’s save a couple of tweets. Once the storm had passed and the teacup had stopped rattling, the no-brainer was pursued. Selection became slightly easier when Jake Ball, Man of the Match in the semi-final win over Somerset, was ruled out with injury. This left only Riki Wessels of the regulars to miss out.

Captain Read, after a wretched summer with the bat (though not quite as bad as Alex Hales, who averaged 13 in four-day cricket), played the major hand and Samit Patel spun the first two balls of his career to dismiss key batsmen in Allenby and Goodwin to pick up man of the match. Ale was drunk. Songs were no doubt sung. Steve Archibald, the ex-Spurs and Barça striker who once said “team spirit is an illusion glimpsed in the aftermath of victory”, probably tickled his bawbag somewhere. As if to prove him wrong, the Notts players went out on an extended bender several days after the aftermath could reasonably be said to be over (do the math), thus proving Mick Newell right, as you can see from this leaked document:

END OF TERM REPORT

Hales – post-match hug at Lord’s was -8˚C but before he goes to the Hype-Pee-Ell, or whatever it’s called, he needs to take a long hard look in the mirror. No, scratch that…
Cowan – we gave him two months practice here and he repaid us with a golden blob that’ll probably end his Test career. Top man!
Wessels – Oh Riki, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind (but not enough to make the XI for Lord’s), hey Riki, hey Riki.
Lumb – If I was gay…
Taylor – They say he’s hit the glass ceiling. Must be a bloody low one. Medieval Japan, or somewhere
Patel – High-maintenance. Doesn’t do enough self-maintenance.
Hussey – Great servant. Need to find someone to sweet-talk the square-leg umps next year.
Mullaney – The Ute (of today could learn a thing or two).
Read – Like a frayed sofa, part of the furniture. Don’t ever leave me!
Franks – Bowling becoming dot burglary but he’s a stick of Outlaws rock. Cut him open and he bleeds to death.
Fletcher – Too much time on Fletcher Gate, not enough in the gym. Needs to wash his kit on a lower temperature, too. And tuck it in.
Adams – Remember to take him out of cryogenic suspension in March.
Shehzad – Remember to devote two days in Bradford looking for his mojo. 
Gurney – Runs up like a frog on rollerskates, but does the job. Batting ropey. “Bowl him a piano, see if he can play that”. He can.
Broad – No, never heard of him…
Swann – Who?
Phillips – Why?
White – Think he’s the ginger lad.
Carter – No, this one’s the ginger lad. That reminds me, must get Noony to be clear he’s giving me DVD tips next time he texts “Get Carter”.  


See yous in April. Up the Stags.

Originally published at LeftLion



Tuesday, 5 November 2013

SHIV THE SURVIVOR


A sign of how little I think like a journalist – how much like a ‘writer’ (sometimes, a low-rent philosopher) – came when I interviewed Shivnarine Chanderpaul in early September. First, having one of only ten men to have made 10,000 Test runs here in the East Midlands all summer ought to have alerted me to the possibility of securing an interview and selling a feature. Belatedly, the penny dropped.

I requested the interview without having pitched the idea anywhere; I simply assumed that SPIN, for instance, would be happy to take a feature with such an illustrious cricketer.

So, I prepared some questions. Quite a few questions. I headed over to Derby and met Shiv at the ground at 2pm, the appointed hour. He’d been netting – surprise, surprise – as Derbyshire headed into their last two Championship fixtures, three wins in four games giving them, after 10 without victory, a small chance of staving off relegation.

We started chatting, me thinking we had an hour together. At 2.25pm he received a text asking whether he could pick up his daughter and take her to the doctor. The interview was terminated.

He gave me his phone number and said it was ok to call him over the next few days to finish things off. I called the next day; he was out shopping. I texted him the following day, said I was flexible, and I’d leave it with him. “Call whenever’s convenient”. It never was convenient, which was pretty inconvenient for me. I might have pursued him more relentlessly, but it’s not really my style. I don’t even really like speaking to people over the phone (a slight problem in this field).

So, there was a whole interview down the tubes – a second half that never took place, and that would remain virtual; a first half that would never see the light of day. And the first half was definitely the least interesting – I’d been going softly, softly, warming him up, hopefully having his guard drop, to pierce his legendary defensive technique. Some of the questions that went unasked:

* Is it fair to say that cricket in the West Indies is becoming bit by bit more Indo than Afro [Sarwan, Chanderpaul, Barath, Narine, Rampaul, Ramdin, Deonarine]?
* Fire in Babylon – you will have seen that era as a boy, the great era of fast-bowling dominance. Does an Indo-Guyanese or Indo-Trinidadian feel inspired by that era in the same way? Do they identify as strongly?
* Is there a divide in the region in terms of cricket’s popularity among the two ethnicities / communities?
* West Indies captaincy was thrust upon you when Gayle and others went on strike. Did you enjoy it in any way? I read that you quit because it was affecting your batting (but you made 200 in first game!!). Was it the ‘politics’?
* In the short-term, will T20 help revive the sport in WI? Will T20 dominance feed back into technique – so the next generation of West Indies batters, far from having your powers of concentration, are all going to be power-hitters? Does that matter (someone like David Warner, for example, played T20 for Australia before he played a first-class match, yet may develop into an excellent test player…)?
* From an administrator’s point of view, the WIBC want (a) one-day tours from India, and (b) Test tours from England – the former for TV revenue, the latter for tourism. So it would seem important that Test skills are still learned…
* How do you look back on the whole Allen Stanford thing now?

There were others, about bowlers he rated, career highlights, that sort of thing (stuff that would work as a standalone piece and increase my income).

Oh well, whatever, never mind, as someone once sang.

Then it occurred to me – and this is the other sign I don’t think like a journalist – that there might be something I could salvage. So, belatedly, I listened back over the 20-odd minutes of audio (for the first time!) and typed up the quotes. I sent them to cricinfo (my covering email describing it as “not exactly Frost/Nixon”) and, lo and behold, they wanted it.

The result? A quotes piece on surviving – at the crease, for a career, even for a cricketing culture – knitted together with one or two sentences of my own. Result. 

Shiv the Survivor



Thursday, 24 October 2013

SECRET FILMS OF CRICKET #2: 'THE MATRIX'


After the editor of All Out Cricket magazine chanced across my piece 'What can The Big Lebowski teach us about cricket?', he asked whether I could provide a series on that theme – essentially, delving into well known movies and finding tenuous cricket connections. Of course, being poor and faintly desperate, I answered in the affirmative. Cue not a very cost-effective trawl through several cult movies listening out for mentions of "backward point" or "leg glance" or somesuch. Anyway, I managed to shoehorn The Matrix into this preposterous schema and have since submitted (a better) one on This Is England

Have a read

Saturday, 5 October 2013

WHERE HAVE ALL THE OVERSEAS PLAYERS GONE?


When I were a lad I played again' Sobers, Lindwall, Holding, Fred 'The Demon' Spofforth, Patrick Patterson, Frank Tyson, Vintcent van Der Bijl and Sarfraz Nawaz... And that were just one game. By 'eck, it were played hard then. 

I wrote a piece for All Out Cricket, asking: Where have all the overseas pro's gone? 





Friday, 27 September 2013

THE NAME OF THE ROSE


Moddershall 1st XI’s narrow failure to win promotion this year – just eight points from second place, following a campaign of 10 wins and numerous winning draws; eight points behind a team who they might have bowled out for 30 in a game ended by inclement weather – got me thinking about the mid-1990s and the club’s previously most recent effort to haul itself from the second tier to the first.

In 1992, only our third season in the North Staffs and South Cheshire League, we were promoted when we perhaps weren’t quite ready for the standard in the top division and were promptly relegated at the first attempt (thus my feeling that, given the age profile of the current team, it may not be all that bad a thing to have missed out this time). In 1994 we signed Jon Addison as pro – arguably the decisive moment in the modern history of the club – and in 1995 we were the best team in what was then Division B, but came third, pipped on the final weekend. In 1996 it was not so much a case of ‘third time lucky’ as ‘third time, just desserts’: with any trace of complacency expunged, we were promoted at a canter. Indeed, on the final afternoon, away at Kidsgrove, we set what was then a league record by scoring 370 for 6 (Addo blitzed 168 and was dismissed in the 35th over). However, our captain for the day, the ex-‘Grove player Dave Wellings, rather charitably declared when we still had nine overs (and some quality batsmen in a shuffled order) to bat. I was at the crease at the time and almost refused to walk off. 450 was there for the taking.

Anyway, the Saturday before that, having all but guaranteed promotion with three games to go, we ventured to Burslem’s brand new Festival Heights ground for the first match of a league double-header (there were fourteen teams per division then). Our opponents were locked in a tussle for the second automatic promotion slot with Newcastle and Hartshill, so were sure to be as fiercely competitive as they always were (needle locked at ‘radge’ on the Aggro Scale). As Addo and I pulled on to the car park, the first thing we noticed, a vision that threw something of a damp towel on our excited chatter, was a six feet, five inch West Indian standing on the square, as unmissable as a wind turbine on a nearby hilltop. “Who the eff is that?!”, we both either thought quietly or said out loud, assuming he was there to play the game and not, y’know, shoot some hoops.

It was an overcast September day, none too warm, and with a fresh breeze blowing across a ground not quite as exposed as Barnfields to the elements, but still not the best protected from an ill wind. And this guy was sure to bowl like an ill wind. Burslem’s regular professional that year was Steven Lowndes, a bustling phantom seamer and gutsy, resourceful, if ultimately limited batsman. Where was he?!?! Not perusing the track, that was certain.

After a length of time, we discovered that the guy’s name was Franklyn Rose, then in the early stages of a career that would bring him 19 Test appearances, 27 in ODIs, and an overall first-class record of 296 wickets at 26.51, with PBs of 7 for 39 and 96 with the willow. He would be subbing for the day. Those of a conspiratorial bent among us suggested that Lowndes had gone to Alton Towers with a broken nail, sprained earlobe, or whatever injury he was deemed to have. Rose was still a few months from his Test debut at this stage, and had been playing the summer for Enfield in the Lancashire League. Today, he would be bringing unexpected menace – beyond the usual, expected menace you got in that neck of the woods – for Burslem.

The precise nature of that menace became a whole lot clearer, and yet a whole lot darker, when we took the customary stroll out to the square – a square I had never before set foot on. This was an era before play-cricket, before The Sentinel were printing scorecards, so I don’t think the season’s scores at Burslem – whether they had been lower than at other grounds – had registered with us, particularly. Who cared? We felt we were the best team in the division and would cope better with any conditions than our opponents. Unless, of course, they brought in beanpole Jamaicans to whack it into a dry and crumbling surface such as this (I ought to go on record here as saying the square is 100 per cent better now than it was back then, and that Burslem is an enjoyable ground to play at). In fact, as we now walked over it, it became apparent that there were large cracks – canyons, crevices, ravines! – where the turf hadn’t bound together. And visible down those cracks was the highly tensile plastic orange mesh that you see on the side of mountains to stop skiers falling to their death. Or around roadworks. Orange mesh! On (well, just under) the square!! Addo and I exchanged a rueful smile at what lay in store (the sort that visiting batsmen often made at Barnfields during the Immy years), a fate that was deferred by a few hours when he called correctly at the toss.

The details of the game are, understandably, quite sketchy. We took a couple of early wickets – probably courtesy of John Myatt and Iain Carr – and Mr Rose sauntered out to the crease at No4 or No5 with next to nothing on the board. This can be deduced from the fact that, using a method that by and large involved planting his foot on off stump and swinging violently to the legside, he proceeded to make around 80 from a total of around 115 all out.

As well as being not the most graceful innings (although, strangely, his agriculturalism did not lead to him being sledged all that much, as I recall), it was also far from chanceless. Indeed, he was dropped at mid-wicket by Wellings while still in single figures, one of the easiest catches you’ll ever see, the ball’s slow arc evading his jerking hands altogether and hitting him plush on the stomach before coming to rest somewhere on that geological wonder of a square. Undoubtedly, Welly’s dropped clanger was the result of him (an opening batsman) contemplating this giant figure who would soon be propelling the ball at him quite briskly. He was daydreaming, then he was panicking. It happens.

The bowler, John Myatt, was not best pleased. His mood darkened even further when a pair of vociferous lbw appeals were rejected after he’d hit Rose plush on the foot, one of which looked very adjacent. And so, reprieved, on the big guy swiped and smeared – I recall dropping him myself, out at long off, off Addo, when he had 60-odd – eventually taking them to what was certainly going to be a competitive score – unattainable, we probably felt, although no-one admits these things.

Yours truly had the task of opening. I forget who with. Probably Welly, although I wouldn’t actually make it to a mid-wicket conference. On the way out – a journey akin to the First World War Tommies charging helplessly, haplessly, hopelessly into No Man’s Land – I was given some words of sarcastic encouragement by a former Burslem paceman, Dave ‘Foll’ Follett, then enjoying a stint in first-class cricket with Middlesex. He wasn’t the brightest button in the proverbial box, but he did have a booming voice, a choice vocabulary, and a sharp understanding of the psychology of facing quick bowling. I felt like a dead man walking. The End Is Nigh.

I asked for my guard, taking care not to notice how far back the cordon was stood (and in any case, they would soon be moving up a few yards…). Rose stood at the top of his run, obligatory gold chain visible through dishwater light, perhaps ruminating over a cash incentive to dismiss or maim as many of our team as possible. The sightscreen looked like a matchbox. It wasn’t very often in my playing days that I walked out to bat with the feeling that I didn’t really stand any chance whatsoever, but this day I did (by which I mean I didn’t ... stand a chance). However, like the bull in the corrida, we still had to go through the inevitable ritual death.

He began his run: long, loping strides, a slightly stiff, upright posture, and a lean away to the offside as he hit the crease. The first ball slammed into the pitch just short of a length and bounced two or three times on the way through to the keeper. I did a spot of gardening, half-expecting to find wildlife down those cracks – those ravines. You could get your bat stuck down them.

The second ball was an attempted bouncer that reacted off the wicket in something like the way a slightly stale muffin would respond if hurled violently at a mattress, the red cherry looping slowly over my head and again failing to reach the keeper’s mitts. They say it is a skill of opening batsmen, or ought to be one, to be able read the conditions and adapt your game quickly to them. Well, yes, but you cannot de-program a decade of learning in the time it takes a West Indian paceman to get to the top of his run – which, admittedly, is quite a long time given the general disregard for over-rates (or perhaps, in this instance, the certain knowledge that we’d be lucky to bat much more than 20 overs). It’s a bit like getting into the water with a crocodile someone’s told you has been domesticated and saying to yourself: “oh, lovely cutie-wootie kwokodile just want to have a cuddle” rather than “Oh my f****** God, get me out of here, this is one of nature’s ultimate killing machines”.  

Eventually, Rose barrelled in for the third ball, again slammed uncomplicatedly into the pitch, this time well short of back-of-a-length. Instinctively, I jumped to play a back-foot defence, but the ball scuttled along the ground like ... like a crocodile after a baby piglet (it seemed to go under my feet, almost), and then crashed into the off-stump what can only have been a third of the way up at most. At Moddershall in 1996, the same delivery would have probably had the ‘keeper jumping to take it.

Off I trudged toward the dressing room at deep point, stopping out of morbid curiosity to peer over my shoulder – as you would when passing a car accident – and see how far back the stump had been sent cavorting. Pretty far, to be fair, certainly further than the previous delivery had travelled before its second bounce. As I got to the edge of the pitch, Foll guffawed, then drawled: “fuuuckiiin elll

Addo passed me on the way out, sporting the same sort of resigned grin as I wore, the difference being that my ordeal was over. The collective mood might have been considerably more perturbed had we not been playing Haslington the following day and Kidsgrove a week later with only a few points required (assuming, that is, we failed to chase down these runs).

Addo was soon out, and then another man, and another – a procession reminiscent of England’s 46 all out in Trinidad a couple of years earlier. It was carnage. Yet bestriding the disarray was Iain Carr, who played one of the gutsiest, not to mention most highly skilled innings that it was my privilege to watch as a Moddershall player. Batting about four feet down the pitch (at least) and getting a large stride in, he grafted his way to 30 out of our 52 all out, cudgelling a couple of defiant, almost miraculous straight-driven fours off Rose, who finished with 6 for 20, figures that did not flatter him. Burslem had been lucky to make 50; we were lucky to get 30.

As it turned out, our opponents would narrowly fail to secure promotion. As for Rose, despite not seeing him in the bar after the game – yes, he was the longest in the shower – a couple of our stragglers told us that, with the blood no longer pumping through his limbs (by which I think they meant his adrenaline had worn off), it was apparent that he was limping badly. It turned out that he was unable to play his Lancashire League club’s game the following day with a very badly bruised toe, a pyrrhic victory that Mauler enjoyed greatly. Too greatly.

That gloomy day at Festival Heights wasn’t the last we’d see of Mr Rose. The following March he would debut for West Indies on his home ground, Sabina Park in Kingston. Any thoughts that this was a token homer to appease the crowd – and there is a history of boycotting matches in the Caribbean, as for instance when a Bridgetown crowd responded to the controversial omission of local bowler Anderson Cummins with the banner, ‘No Cummins, No Goings’ – were rebuffed by a man-of-the-match performance in a bat-dominated draw, the first five of his 6 for 100 being Laxman, Dravid, Tendulkar, Azharuddin and Ganguly. Steady effort, that. Slightly shades Oliver, Addison, Hawkins, Myatt, Stones, et al…  

He ended up taking 53 wickets at 30.88 in his 19 Tests, the most memorable of which – not from his perspective, mind – came at Lord’s in 2000, a crazy game in which, with England conceding a first-innings lead of 133, Caddick (5 for 16) then skittled Windies for 54, before Dominic Cork bundled England over the line for a famous two-wicket victory, in large part due to Rose bowling with his ego and continually slapping it in halfway down. I don't believe there was any orange mesh visible below the Lords turf...

Rose was a fiery fellow, and no mistake. Reputed to have pulled a knife on Brian Lara on the plane en route to the ill-fated South African tour of 1998-99, in 2002 the guy who stood cradling the new ball on that minefield at Burslem was convicted of assaulting a Canadian woman in Ocho Rios.

It seems that those hair-rock titans Poison were right all along: every rose has its thorn, just like every night has its dawn. And for this current group of Moddershall players, next season could well be the dawn of a great era.  

Previous columns for Moddershall CC's newsletter, 'Barnfields Buzz':

BB01: The Grass Isn’t Always Greener… | On club loyalty
BB02: The King and I | Early forays in the press box and meeting IVA Richards 
BB03: Chris Lewis: Still out in the Cold | The coldest cricket match I ever played 
BB04: Sam Kelsall: Role Model | How a 15-year-old's standards inspired a team to the title
BB05: Astle la vista, Baby | Surrealism and hypocrisy with a NZ star
BB06: The Geometry of Captaincy (A Hunch) | Waxing philosophical about setting the field 
BB07: A Brief History of Moddershall in the Staffs Cup | A look back at our four finals



Friday, 9 August 2013

WHEN THE MINOR COUNTIES BEAT THE AUSTRALIANS

the pavilion at Ashbrooke, Sunderland 

The last time an Australian team arrived in the North-East 2-0 down in an Ashes series was August 1977, while the World Series Cricket storm raged away in London and in SydneyIt may only be 7.8 miles as the crow flies from Chester-le-Street’s Emirates ICG (née Riverside Stadium), venue for the Fourth Test, to the grand old Ashbrooke Sports Ground in Sunderland where, 36 years and four days ago, they were defeated bythe Minor Counties in a two-day fixture; nevertheless, given this tour’s turbulent beginnings and the open secret of a rift between Shane Watson and Michael Clarke, the current group are neither a million miles nor light years from Greg Chappell’s much derided party, who arrived with Packer contracts in their pockets and left as 3-0 losers, having been downed en route by a team of teachers, surveyors, solicitors, and wily old pro’s of the northern leagues. 

If posterity will record the backdrop to 2013 as the sacking of Mickey Arthur in the backdraft of Dave Warner’s swinger in Birmingham’s Walkabout Bar, then the backstory for 1977 was the cloak-and-dagger negotiations over the World Series Cricket jamboree that was about to bootstrap international cricket into modernity. Wisden pronounced that the thirteen of the seventeen-strong touring party to have put pen to paper “had already inflicted the initial wound on those who sent them 11,000 miles to represent an organisation not long since celebrating something of 100 years duration”. This line, pungent with unthinking affinity for the fellow august institution, was precisely the key to the whole affair: were the cricketers representing the ACB, or were the ACB supposed to be representing – in the sense of looking after the interests of – their players, their prime assets? (Any gauche suggestion of workers seizing the means of production here has to be tempered with the reality of Packer pragmatism and a simple desire to break the TV monopoly in Australia. Less a revolution, then, than a liberal reform, precipitously carried out.)

At any rate, by the time the 1977 party reached Wearside, they were a pale imitation of the team that had eviscerated England in 1974-75, a 41-year-old Colin Cowdrey dragged from retirement and offered up to the Gods, Lillee and Thomson. The Packer secret had been broken as early as May and in early August he was in the UK putting out, and relighting, fires. Any Minor Counties players reading the Daily Mail on August 2, two days before the game, would have seen a reproduction of the Packer contracts, on the hardline nature of which their progenitor would later remark, “I make no apologies for the fact that this contract is tough. I told every player, ‘This is a tough contract and you’ll do as you’re damn well told’.” Needless to say, this was very far removed from the world of Oxfordshire versus Berkshire or Lincolnshire versus Cumberland, ‘The Sausage Derby’

The Australians had arrived in Sunderland on the back of defeat, two days earlier, in a Nottingham Test that had seen a visit from the Queen, out in the shires on her Jubilee tour. However, an even more regal visitor had put in a rare appearance at Trent Bridge, for this was the match that Geoffrey Boycott came out of his self-imposed three-year international exile, going on to score 106 (his ninety-eighth first-class hundred) and 80 not out, batting on all five days of the match in which Ian Botham made his debut. England won – Derek Randall, who struck the winning blow, leaving his home patch arm in arm with Boycott, who, famously, had run him out in the first innings – to take an unassailable lead in the five game series.

The match at Ashbrooke, a leafy Victorian suburb four or five David Warner switch-hits south of Sunderland city centre, may only have been a two-day fixture – standard for the Minor Counties players right up until 2001 – and thus did not have first-class status, yet such a short course had not inoculated the Minor Counties against the ignominy of an innings defeat in 1964. In 1953, meanwhile, the Australians had won a first-class match slated for three days but completed inside two by an innings and 171, Ray Lindwall taking 7 for 20 and Richie Benaud following up with 5 for 13 as the Minor Counties were routed for 56 and 62. That game took place on the Michelin factory ground in Stoke-on-Trent, an 80-year-old SF Barnes bowling the honorary first ball at a venue where he had done his fair share of damage – where hadn’t he? – for Staffordshire: an aggregate analysis of 209.2-70-344-62 over seven games, in fact, for an average of 5.55 (well below the overall Staffs career average of 8.10), having made his bow there at a sprightly 55 years young. Whether it was this delivery that persuaded Benaud to select Barnes for his all-time XI is uncertain. Either way, the curmudgeonly old master told the tourists that he wouldn’t be taking the new ball, “in case I induce a collapse”.

Twenty-four years later, in 1977, another, less eminent Staffordshire man, Peter Gill, would be at the heart of the Minor Counties’ first ever victory over the Australians, just their third over any touring team in 36 attempts. Any aspirations to play professional cricket – not to mention undertake a university degree – that Gill may have had were nipped in the bud when he was commandeered to the family industrial insulation firm – an appropriate metaphor, perhaps, for a No 3 batsman, so often an auxiliary opener. Australia’s first-drop, Greg Chappell, was in London alongside Rod Marsh, parlaying with Kerry Packer whod applied for an injunction to prevent the Test and County Cricket Board (precursor of the ECB) and ICC excluding WSC signatories from international cricket. Meanwhile, a Jarrow March away, his fellow tourists spent their solitary, rain-sodden day off after Trent Bridge touring the Newcastle Brewery, and the following morning were being asked by Cheshire skipper David Bailey to have first use of a slightly two-paced Ashbrooke surface, “because I thought we’d get them on the backlash and it was an overcast day, so it gave us the best chance of doing some damage”. From a family of West Hartlepool lawyers, Bailey had headed to Manchester a decade or so earlier to train as a chartered surveyor and in 1968 and ’69 played 27 first-class games for Lancashire alongside Lloyd, Lloyd, Engineer, Higgs, Lever, Wood, Simmons et al – qualified thrice over, then, to judge the surface: by profession, playing experience and geographical provenance.

With grass banks on three sides of the ground and a rickety, covered stand flanking the rugby pitch at the northern end, Ashbrooke, a multi-sports complex offering tennis, squash, hockey and other envigorations, provided a small-scale though fitting amphitheatre for a North-Eastern public still largely deprived of top-level cricket (Durham would not turn first-class until 1992, of course). “The ground was ringed” recalls Bailey, who duly gave the new ball to one of the crowd’s own: Durham’s Stuart Wilkinson, reckoned by Gill to be “the quickest bowler in Minor Counties cricket, if not the quickest outside it”. 

the wrong end
He may have been able to propel the ball from A to B very quickly, yet the local tearaway couldn’t always discern which way the wind was blowing, and Hertfordshire’s Brian Collins was thus more than a little surprised when his opening partner opted to run uphill across the rugby pitch. A 36-year-old former policeman who left the force to sell burglar alarms, Collins was a tall, strong, lively in-swing bowler for whom the strong breeze blowing diagonally over his left shoulder was “absolutely ideal. I couldn’t believe my luck. I saw [Wilkinson] have a word with the captain and I thought there’s no way I was going to let him have my end, so I’d got to be on the button”. Within an over, Wilkinson was kvetching to the skipper; after three, he was replaced by genial Devonian left-arm swing bowler Doug Yeabsley, a schoolmaster at Haberdasher’s Aske’s who played as a back-row forward for Harlequins for many years. Despite a rickety set of knees, he would bowl uphill and into the wind, unchanged and uncomplaining, for the rest of the innings.

Amateurs they may have been, but, as Gill remarked, “the pitch was lively and our opening bowlers were quite a handful”. Indeed, this was a more than useful attack. Earlier that summer, Collins had returned aggregate figures of 31.4-8-97-5 for Minor Counties West in the Benson and Hedges Cup group stages, while Yeabsley’s return for the same side was an even more impressive 42-12-106-7, his victims including Eddie Barlow, Glenn Turner and Basil D’Oliveira. Wilkinson, meanwhile, had picked up a man of the match-winning – if not matchwinning – 5 for 24 in the Gillette Cup against a Northants side at one stage reeling at 17 for 4, his scalps including two of the flintiest souls on the circuit, David Steele and Peter Willey, as well as Mushtaq Mohammed.

Collins’ keenness to use the advantage saw him nip out the first three wickets – the relatively unheralded Ian Davis, Gary Cosier and Craig Sarjeant, who nonetheless shared between them 25 more Test caps than their eleven opponents could boast – with Kim Hughes surviving a hat-trick ball but becoming the fourth of his 4 for 42. Yeabsley had the golden-haired poster boy of WSC, David Hookes, caught at slip, while Wilkinson, once he had the wind in his sails, finished with 4 for 49, including the prize scalp of Doug Walters, who interrupted his chain smoking to top-score with 42 as the Australians were skittled for 170 in 41.3 overs either side of a lunch interval extended for local dignitaries and sponsors. The Minor Counties’ wicket-keeper Frank Collyer observed, somewhat pithily, that “it wasn’t a gentle ride for them”.

Still, on a dank, windy day they may well have feared an equally violent buffeting themselves. With DK Lillee back in Australia – he and Ian Chappell having ruled themselves out of contention until the Packer business was resolved – and Thomson skulking around the outer for much of the two days, the new ball was taken by Lennie Pascoe, more than capable of bringing some brimstone to proceedings. He bowled 8-0-8-0, which amounts to a lot of very quick – “the quickest I saw” according to Yeabsley, who had played against Holding, Roberts, Procter and many others – though often very short deliveries allowed to sail through to the keeper. Even so, Cumberland’s phlegmatic former Lancashire opener Bob Entwistle, struck on the pad first over, walked down to his opening partner, Oxfordshire’s Mike Nurton, and deadpanned: “‘E’s a bit quick, lad”.

Entwistle was soon snaffled by Pascoe’s partner, Mick Malone, whose solitary Test appearance was just around the corner, at the Oval later that summer, when he returned the miserly first-innings figures of 47-20-63-5 (from an innings of 101 overs!) against which his Sunderland match economy rate of 3.87 looked distinctly profligate. Anyhow, this brought Gill to the crease and he offered a portent of what lay in store by contributing a sprightly, stroke-filled 39 in tandem with Nurton, a lay Anglican preacher, trained magician and eventually all-time leading run-maker in Minor Counties cricket, whose nuggety 40 helped his team to 133 for 4 off 41 overs at stumps. Meanwhile, in the High Court that day, Packer’s injunction application was rejected by Mr Justice Slynn after the TCCB undertook not to disbar anyone from selection until a full court case was heard in September, the ruling stating that doing so would amount to restraint of trade. In Sydney, a writ was issued on Packer’s behalf against the Australian Cricket Board seeking a declaration along the same lines. The game was moving forward.

On the second morning, heavy overnight rain led to the start being delayed by 75 minutes and to pockets of agitated Australian discussion on the outfield, recalls Hertfordshire skipper Collyer, a solicitor and Cambridge graduate: “On the second morning, while they were waiting for the ground to be tidied up, I have a clear memory of them punting an Australian Rules football back and forth, talking in little groups. While one’s not privy to the conversation, one got the impression that there was a lot of uncertainty over what the immediate future held”. One certainly wonders what the party’s four non-Packer players – Cosier, Sarjeant, Hughes and Geoff Dymock – made of it all, while the immediate future of footie-punter-in-chief, Thommo, amounted to having his WSC contract annulled due to a 10-year agreement with a radio station that required him to play for Queensland.

When it was clear there would be no prompt resumption, Bailey declared 37 runs in arrears, “to try and twist their arm into giving us a target. I prefer to play these games to win, not as an exhibition”. And so, typically, do Australians. Busy fifties were scored by Davis and Hookes as Bailey let his spinners wheel through a few overs – Durham leggie Peter Kippax bagged 3 for 46, while current Somerset President Roy Kerslake bowled tidily for his 9-2-22-1. Acting skipper Walters was cut on the jawline attempting to pull Yeabsley and had to be given seven stitches. Nevertheless, at 169 for 6 and without any negotiation or collusion, a declaration was made, giving Minor Counties a target of 207 to win in two and three quarter hours, about which Collyer surmised: “I don’t think they thought for a moment they thought we were going to get those runs”.

Dymock and Malone took the new ball, Nurton falling early while Entwistle chipped in with a measured 33. However, it was the 81-run stand between Gill – who played “the innings of my life”, cutting and driving and clipping 17 fours on his way to 92 of the 166 runs scored while at the crease – and Kippax that took the Minor Counties to a position of apparent impregnability. Cosier, a military-medium swing bowler whose boomerangs had taken 5 for 18 in one of the ODIs a couple of months’ earlier, came into the attack just as the sun broke through the Wearside cloud, more or less negating his threat – although Gill, within sight of a century and with his team still almost 40 runs short of their target, “got a bit excited and had a slog at one” to be caught and bowled. 

preparing for Court: Packer and Greig
With the Minor Counties cruising to victory – Collyer recalls that “there was no element of panic. We were a rather more experienced cricket team than they were” – Pascoe, third change second time around, was brought back for a second burst. It was to no avail. A bespectacled, helmetless Bailey ruefully remembers the New South Wales paceman being barracked by “a wag in the sheds who bellowed out: ‘I thought you were supposed to be effin’ quick, man’. I thought, ‘thanks a lot’,” but he then upper-cut him through third man en route to adding 29 not out to an unbeaten first-innings 21. As the victory target drew close, Collyer can “remember sitting in the stand thinking ‘well, this is rather good’ and having something to drink”. Durham’s combative skipper Neil Riddell smeared Ray Bright for a six over mid-wicket and then Bailey “kicked one and ran”, the leg-bye carrying the Minor Counties to a famous, unimaginable victory with just an over to spare. Despite the embarrassment, Nurton doesn’t “suppose it was a great tragedy in their lives, losing to us lot; an inconvenience, maybe”.

For a performance that, understandably, ranks as the highlight of his cricketing life, Peter Gill won Man of the Match – “hundred quid; bought a few drinks” – and while Doug Walters came in to offer his congratulations to his amateur and semi-professional conquerors, the rest didn’t mingle and share a beer after the game – a quintessentially Aussie tradition for which Walters was of course the prime torch-bearer for many years. In fairness, this was in large part due to a brutal itinerary – absent the first and last days in May and the tourists played 27 of the remaining 29 days that month, 92 of 126 on tour, and were starting at 11 am sharp in Manchester the following day – but was perhaps also down to there being less bonhomie than usual amongst a group who, Collyer remarks, “didn’t look a particularly relaxed or happy bunch”. Was there any obvious disarray or disharmony among the opponents? “Not that I noticed,” said Gill. “You’ve got to remember that this is a one-off match for us and I’d have been extremely apprehensive – not apprehensive, nervous about playing these guys. Regardless of the scoreline in the Test series, this was Australia and I can’t say I was looking at what was going on around me”.

The Australians lugged themselves onto the coach and went on to defeat Lancashire in comfortable fashion before re-crossing the Pennines to Leeds where Geoffrey Boycott, famously, registered his ‘undredth ‘undred. As for the Minor Counties players, they had to scuttle back down the motorways to work, no doubt while basking in their first – their only – victory over an Australian team. Collins thought some of the press response a touch churlish, if not downright disrespectful to their achievement: “That was something that was levelled at us: ‘You’ve only beat a second-rate Australian side’. Okay, we didn’t play Chappell, Marsh or Thomson, but this was still an international team, eleven of the best seventeen in their country. They had all played Test cricket. There were no passengers”. 

Regardless of its position on the Packer situation, Wisden’s post-mortem on the cricketing merits of the touring party would be relatively scathing, despite them only losing one of the seventeen three-day fixtures (to Somerset): “A side no more than a good average had been allowed to beat them, with some comfort, in three Tests in England for the first time since 1886”.

On the other hand, with qualification for the 60-over Gillette Cup (ended in 2005), Benson & Hedges Cup representative games (ended in 1998) and an annual fixture against the tourists, this was truly a golden age for the Minor Counties game, and that winter the winning XI in Sunderland, bolstered by a handful of other players who just missed out on selection for Ashbrooke, went on a fully subsidised tour of East Africa courtesy of enlightened Minor Counties’ Treasurer Geoffrey Howard, a former RAF pilot and Lancashire and Surrey Secretary who had managed Hutton’s successful 1954-55 Ashes trip.

The Aussies, of course, disbanded under the historical inevitability of Packerism, a force and legacy still vigorously present today, largely for the better yet also, it might be argued, for the worse in the shape of a complacent cricket administration – a cricket culture, perhaps – in Australia that has been too focussed on revenue streams (the Channel 9 coverage, with its regular slots for hawking merchandise, is almost gaudily commercial to English tastes) to the detriment of the creation of the type of ecology that would allow long-form cricketing talents to come through as they once had done in swaggering abundance.

The Ashes may be gone, but crisis, as they say, begets opportunity. The game in Chester-le-Street offers a chance to a new generation of players to dispel the spectre of their recent defeats. That said, the Australians are used to getting spooked in the North-East – I don’t suppose Watson will be booked into Lumley Castle this time – and one wonders whether the ghosts of 1977 may haunt this current bunch as they head to this corner of England with little – save, that is, the credibility of the Australian cricket culture (or what CA might be inclined to call its “business model”) – to play for.

A lot of water may have passed under the bridge since 1977, just as a lot of water has rolled past the Riverside Stadium and out into the sublime indifference of the North Sea, yet this present crop of Australians must hope, after the green shoots of Old Trafford, that no such nadir awaits them, there by the side of the River Wear.   

 


Thursday, 8 August 2013

20:20 HINDSIGHT | NOTTS' T20 CAMPAIGN

lights are out at Trent Bridge

In the aftermath of Notts Outlaws' T20 Quarter-final against Essex, here's my twenty-point summation of their campaign: 


(1) They won the group. [Partridge Voice] Darren and Dwayne Bravo!

(2) For the third year running they have a home quarter-final. Zummerzzzet came storming round the final bend of 2011’s game, Jos Buttler finding angles that Euclid didn’t know existed, then Neil McKenzie and his cornucopia of superstitions guided Hampshire over the line last year. LL&L predicts QFIII will be third time lucky.

(3) The group began with a victory over feeder club Leicestershire, who were outfoxed by Leicester-born Samit Patel’s economical 4-0-26-1 before muscley stuff from Lumb and Hussey sent the visitors back to Grace Road wondering who the next player they could develop for the Outlaws might be. Smart money is on Shiv Thakor.

(4) Having started by winning by seven wickets with 2.2 overs to spare, Notts brazenly/unwittingly revealed the details of their strategy by beating Lancashire by six wickets with 2.2 overs to spare. Immediately, four-figure sums were being laid – for instance, I bet the four-figure sum of £10.43 – on a five-wicket win with 2.2 overs to spare against Leicestershire’s fellow East Midlands second-class citizens Derbyshire

(5) …which didn’t happen, throwing patternologists into paroxysms of confusion. It was six wickets. With 2.3 overs to spare. I sat up all night trying to work things out…  

(6) Meanwhile – well, back in the previous game – the chants of Ohhh Lanky-Lanky, Lanky-Lanky-Lanky-Lanky Lancashire (to the tune of ‘Ohhh Jimmy-Jimmy, Jimmy-Jimmy-Jimmy-Jimmy Anderson’) ended with 2.2 overs of the game gone, when it became apparent they were turd…

(7) …Apart from Mitch McLenaghan, that is, who (probably) picked up a magnum of Veuve Clicquot champagne, or some shit like that, for his Man-of-the-Match-winning – but not matchwinning – performance of 5 for 29. He was the best Kiwi on show, too, as Ian Butler went for 10 an over. And he was also the man who most looked like a cross between a rugby flanker and a minor character in Mad Men. There was no magnum of Veuve Clicquot champagne for that, however.

(8) The following day the Outlaws set aside their englobement in the earth-shatteringly important business of what type of sprog would emerge from the womb of the sister of that bird who the tabloids think has a nice arse and out into a life of taxpayer-funded privilege to go to Durham. Michael Lumb spanked 14 fours and 3 sixes in his 96. Back-to-back MoMs for the housewives’ favourite.

(9) With four successful chases out of four, Notts’ T20 skipper David Hussey cost them the game by losing the toss at Grace Road, allowing their academy side, ‘Leicestershire’, to beat them by … [cue Twilight Zone theme tune] … seven wickets with 2.2 overs to spare. Four-figure sums…

(10) In said game, future Notts bits-and-pieces spinner Shiv Thakor bowled Samit Patel, the incumbent slightly-better-than-part-time tweaker, then cannily didn’t dismiss James Taylor, who laboured to 33 not out from 32 balls. Reports that Sigmund Freud, from the Beyond, asserted that guilt feelings were behind the innings cannot be confirmed.

(11) Next up was a ding-dong humdinger against Durham at the Bridge. They won off the last ball. It was exciting. Because it went to the last ball.

(12) Next stop was Leedsoh, Leeeeds – who, seeing patterns in Notts results (bat second, won ‘em all; bat first, lost ‘em all), shoved ‘em in. Natch. Approximately thousands of Yarkshire supporters went oop t’cricket to put on ostentatious displays of smugness while supping the best ale in the country. But they lost the game and probably went home and took it out on their nearest and dearest…*

(13) They might have said, “I’m sorry I’ve got to batter you, kids, but Patel with 46 and Hussey’s 52 not out set us a stiff target of 156 that we couldn’t chase down, despite being well placed at 73 for 1 at the halfway stage, so happen I’m gonna have to take us frustrations out on thee. Hic.”*

(14) Notts’ next game was on the telly. D********e were the opponents. Notts did not win. It was a nine-over game. Some of the kids got bored because of the boring middle overs. It wasn’t pretty.

(15) The rain that fell that night could not wash the pain from my soul. Oh Notts, how could you let it happen? How?!

(16) So, having lost three out of four, Notts finished with home fixtures against the two Roses counties. Yarkshire had sobered up enough to drive down the M1 but not enough to drive through the covers. Pyrah’s technique brought late pyrotechnics – badoom, tish – but it was never going to be enough. Ever.

(17) Al Exhales breathed a sigh of relief (The Sun [probably]) with 62 not out, including five maximums pongoed into the stands. His brother Colin was delighted.

(18) And Hales took this form into the ‘Who’ll get the home QF?’ showdown with Ohhh Lanky-Lanky, Lanky-Lanky-Lanky-Lanky Lancashire, smashing 82 as Notts – GG White snaffling 5-22 – romped to victory and a magnum of Veuve Clicquot champagne-infested series of dreams.

(19) For the third year running they blew a home quarter-final. This one, against Essex, wasn’t even close. Why? A lack of quality spin; lack of an effective sixth bowler, with Wessels preferred to Mullaney (yet not used when he’s most effective, in the power play); front-loaded power-hitters (Hales, Lumb); flaky batting – and that’s politely avoiding the ‘c’ word (not that one) – from international players in Hales, Taylor and Patel; and possibly some mental scarring.

(20) Oh, and the opposition were excellent, particularly the savagery of Holland’s finest, Ryan ten Doeschate. The winner, though, was crickeeeeet. Cricket and Essex. Mainly Essex.

* This did not happen anywhere in Yorkshire that night. This is lazy stereotyping. Some of my best friends are Yorkshiremen.