Wednesday, 31 October 2012


Imagine it – you’re off to play a winter’s cricket in Australia. Good decks, tough competition, magnificent weather. Gonna have a blast. Even if you’re just going to watch, it’s a sunlover’s paradise.

OK, better pack your case. What will you need?

T-shirts: ten of. Four or five pairs of shorts. Some short-sleeve shirts. Few muscle tops – maybe not. Budgie smugglers? Check. Actually, better take some swimming shorts, too – I’m told the ocean gets cold. Oh, and flip-flops: one pair. No, two. And some outfits for the evening. Maybe some more shorts, too, cos’ it’s always absolutely baking hot Down Under, right?

Erm, that might not always be true…

And if it's not windy, theres the odd shower...

The two clips give us two of the legends of the commentary booth – Sir Geoffrey Boycott, Vice-President of the People’s Democratic Republic of Yorkshire; and Richie Benaud, master of understatement and laconic wit, and famous for only wearing suits of a certain hue of suit: white, cream, fawn, bone, taupe, ivory or oatmeal.

Anyway, I digress.

What is brilliant about Richie’s commentary here is the ludicrous optimism. Cricketers are of course famous for looking on the bright side of…er, the weather: “if it stops in the next 10 minutes and the wind picks up…” Fine, we’re glass half-full people here (even when our glass is half-full of murky rainwater), but surely this is taking it to absurd levels.

A “quick-drying ground”!!! Strewth

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