Tuesday, 24 January 2012


Heavy hitter 's arrival on Twitter


No, this is not – despite the potentially misleading italics – the title of a dystopian JG Ballard novel set in some bleak, composite post-industrial Orbital town of his feverish neon-and-concrete dreams; rather, it is one of the truly great middle names of county cricket – perhaps second only to Troutbeck, should the question ever crop up on Family Fortunes (thus an answer more likely to win you a caravaning weekend in Abersoch) – a name that happens to belong to arguably the Shires’ massivest recent underachiever: David ‘Jumble’ Sales, good enough to make 210 not out against Worcestershire on debut for Northants as an 18-year-old, and who, at the time (1996), seemed anointed by The Cricketing Gods an indeterminate combination of nature and nurture to have a stellar career. But things didn’t quite pan out as expected – much like Ballard’s fiction, in fact – and instead, aged 34, he stands with a none-too-flattering first-class batting average of 39.27, while each year there seem to be less people willing to claim him as one of the best players never to have played for England. In fact, one preposterously named blog shoved the big lad into their County Flops XI of last year. All a great shame, no doubt.

Anyway, I’m moved to write about Sales not just because there’s not a portly cricketer yet to have played the game that I don’t admire, but also because – given what I assume to be a self-effacing nature for a man whos probably the cricket equivalent of Matt Le Tissier: a chubby yet/and inordinately talented one-club man (and an equally unfashionable backwater of a club at that) – it has not been entirely surprising he’s yet to appear on Twitter, approved medium of public cockstroking and gushspoutery (guilty, m’lud)…

Until now.

At first glance, I thought his avatar was the Twitter default image. But no, closer inspection reveals it’s his great oviform bonce, alright. Expect some meaty tweets, some heavy-duty batter patter – for, as the Wantage Road regulars will tell you, he always was good at giving it some humpty… 

DJG Sales
Twitter default image

NB: On the off-chance he’s reading this, the author would like to apologise sincerely to Mr Sales. It’s not a (cheap) shot I really wanted to play, but I was forced to take risks because of the, erm, match situation.  Scoreboard pressure.

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